


round and round and round again

by thepessimisticasshole



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, Reincarnation, Reincarnation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:45:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepessimisticasshole/pseuds/thepessimisticasshole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>baz is forever, but simon only comes around every once in a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	round and round and round again

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer- the characters all belong to rainbow rowell :D

simon snow dies on a tuesday.

-

the funeral is soft petals and quite murmurs and wrenching sobs. it’s the rattle of earth on wood. it’s is tearing, burning, ripping emptiness.

-

baz is alone, now.

penny’s in america.

she’s old, a grandmother- she visited, a month ago, and her eyes were so sad.

she made cherry scones.

baz cried like he’d never stop.

-

he still looks like he’s twenty.

his skin is still alabaster pale and smooth, and his hands are young and slim and strong.

sometimes he goes out into london, wearing his old green suit, and he drives too fast- “ **make way for the king! _make way for the king_**!”- and he remembers:

pale gold, gripping his arm, green magic twirling into his voice, his arms his legs his head his _heart_.

he’s crying, by that point, and he’s slowed down, and he mourns his beautiful hero.

_i miss you so much._

-

it was a tuesday when he died, and it’s a tuesday when baz sees the painfully familiar head of golden curls.

and he’s jogging, then running- shoving through crowds of people even though he knows it’s ridiculous- and then he turns, blue eyes widening and moles standing out and simon snow is standing there, right in the street. even though it’s impossible. even though he’s _dead_.

and he’s frozen, they’re both frozen, until-

“baz?”

it’s quiet, tentative, but baz is crying. silently. simon snow is standing in front of him.

“you’re _dead_.”

“baz- baz, it’s _you_ , i’ve been looking for you-”

“you’re _dead_ , simon, you’re-”

“i’ve been looking for you my whole life.”

his hand is on simon’s wet cheek, twining in his hair, feeling the painfully familiar texture, and he can’t stop crying-

“ _i don’t understand_.”

“i’m simon snow.”

“i _love_ you. _i missed you_. how are you _here_ , _i don’t understand, i don’t_ -”

but simon silences him with a kiss.

-

“how are you here?”

“magic?” suggests simon, with that cheeky grin.

baz smiles, pressing his face into simon’s chest.”i missed you.”

simon’s rubbing his hand up and down baz’s arm. when he speaks again, he sounds thoughtful. “you were my imaginary friend growing up, you know that?”

baz lifts his head. “i what?”

“i mean, not you specifically- the idea of you. i knew there was someone out there who loved me- i called you my angel.”

“i’m not an-”

“i know, i know- when i grew up, my memories grew with me. where’s penny?”

“america. she has children; grandchildren, too.”

simon pauses. “what do you mean, _grandchildren_ \- how long’ve i been away?”

baz smiles, sadly. “nearly 70 years, now.”

simon closes his eyes, and kisses baz’s forehead. “i’m sorry.”

-

he’s allowed to grow old, this time.

baz sits with him in the hospital room, holding his frail hand so, so gently.

“please don’t leave me again.”

it’s a small, broken whisper, and the beeping of the heart monitor nearly drowns it out. simon hears, somehow, and turns his head with difficulty.

“i’ll be back.”

“simon, please-”

his voice is stronger than it has been for a long time. “i’ll be back. i love you, basilton pitch.”

and so baz closes his eyes, and waits, chest heaving silently-

he’s gone in a long beep and a keening wail.

-

it takes so long, this next time.

baz has lived through so much. he’s seen so many things.

he begins to think he’s not coming, after all. that last time was just a fluke.

but when he’s so, so tired he feels as if nothing matters, there’s a boom and a flash and he’s there, all wreathed in green.

it wasn’t like this last time. but they run at each other and collide and baz can feel simon’s electric magic, twisting through his hair and sparking under his skin and _crowley_ , he’s missed him _so much_.

he’s crying, deep chesty sobs, and clutching simon’s shirt in his hands so tightly he thinks it might rip- he doesn’t care.

_he’s missed him._

-

it’s different this time.

baz has been all on his own for so many years and he’s not used to company- simon’s all gentle touches and soft words and sweet kisses.

he spooks when simon enters a room unannounced. he wakes up from a horrible nightmare and forgets simon’s here now, and he screaming almost before he takes a breath, and when simon touches him to calm him down he springs out of the bed and lands, hard, on the wooden floor.

he’s not okay.

simon brushes his cheeks with his thumbs, so gently, and cards his fingers through baz’s hair and baz isn’t _okay_ \- but he’s getting there.

maybe.

-

he tells simon what’s happened, while he’s been gone- wars he only learned about in school but that baz saw, first hand.

he’s so old, now.

-

and so it goes.

sometimes it takes as little as 20 years, but sometimes-

baz waited a thousand years, once.

he stays because he has to.

because he can’t leave simon all alone. because he needs to be his angel. because he’s going to come back, no matter how long it takes.

and baz can’t miss him.


End file.
